The Backstory

December 2011

Hi my name is Amanda.  I’m 26 years old, and I’m medically infertile.

My husband Doug and I were high school sweethearts, and I’m pretty sure at least a couple of people thought we must have been pregnant when we got married because we were so young.  We both went to college and got degrees, all the while choosing to put off a family in order to be financially ready.

When we both had graduated and started our careers, we began trying to have a baby.  We had been married for 6 years at this point, and had endured as many years of that question, “When are you going to start a family?” 

We tried to time it perfectly so we would have a baby sometime in May, because I am a teacher and wanted the whole summer to bond with my baby.  I had heard that it can take up to 6 months for birth control to get out of your system, so we even planned for that.  I look back and think how silly it was that we were trying to orchestrate every detail of family planning.

Every month was disappointing, and the negative emotions increased with every negative pregnancy test.  In addition, my periods became more and more painful, until I had to take time off of work and even avoid family gatherings around the holidays due to the pain from my cycle.  I saw my doctor, who put me on a Progesterone cream in hopes that it would help with the pain.  It didn’t.  I started having excruciating back pain on a daily basis.  I thought perhaps I had a kidney infection and went to Urgent Care, only to be told to take ibuprofen. 

I followed his advice for 9 months, and finally got fed up with it.  I was taking 2400 mg of ibuprofen a day for 9 months, and doctors didn’t seem all that concerned.  I finally got an ultrasound, where they found a cyst on my ovary.  My doctor told me to wait it out.  All the while, I couldn’t sleep, eat, or function, and fell into a depression.  She was convinced that my back pain was unrelated to the cyst, so I went to my family practitioner to endure tests for kidney problems, parasites, pulled muscles, etc.  She gave me muscle relaxers and narcotic pain killers.  Nothing provided an answer or relief. 

In August, I was finally referred to another gynecologist who immediately diagnosed me with endometriosis and scheduled laparoscopic surgery three days later.  I couldn’t wait for the surgery; the pain I was feeling was so intense.

When I woke up from my surgery, I was in a fog.  I knew right away that my pain was gone.  Then my doctor started telling me about what he found.  I had Stage 4 Endometriosis, the most severe kind.  My organs were so scarred up and moved around from the endometriosis that he couldn’t even get rid of it all.  He said I will most likely need surgery on my large and small intestines because of the scarring, and I will need a hysterectomy in the future.  It was, and still is, a very emotional time.

Our doctor has not said that we can’t have children, but he says our chances of conceiving naturally are very low.  I am currently on hormones to treat my condition, and will have to always be on treatment, unless we are “aggressively” pursuing pregnancy, meaning with the help of an infertility specialist.  Furthermore, he has advised us to try to get pregnant in any way possible, because it can potentially treat or eradicate my condition, for which there is no cure.  So we are faced with the fact that we are having great difficulty conceiving, but it also may be the only way for me to find relief for my condition. 

In the meantime, it is a daily journey.  Some days I feel fine and other days I will begin weeping at the slightest mention of a baby.  I’m learning to deal with the insensitive comments from others.  I’m learning to “rejoice with those who rejoice” when yet another friend makes a baby announcement.  I’m learning to lean on God who is my strength.  And most importantly, I’m learning to be thankful for the many things I have been blessed with, in particular my husband, Doug.  He has been with me at every appointment, with me through every sleepless night, and always comforts me. While this has been hands-down the most difficult trial we have faced, our marriage is ultimately stronger because of it.   And we are convinced that God loves and cares for us, and we know that whatever the outcome, God’s plan is the best plan.